when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
