You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
