Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Randomize
