you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
