I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
