My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
