Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
