She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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