why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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