omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Randomize
