I'm lost and stupid without you.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
