you will always have a special place in my vag
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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