I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
