A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
