There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
