you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
