Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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