Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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