Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
