Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
