I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
should my penis look like a turkey
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
