I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
