Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
