My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
