just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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