I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
