I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
two words: eviction party
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Of course I have a pirate flag
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize