I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
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