i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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