I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
