i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Randomize
