Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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