Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Help. Why am I so naked?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
