that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
