Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Randomize
