I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Found your dick twin last night
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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