So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
my poor anus
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
