I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
smell my finger.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
