Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
