Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
