At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I could fuck to npr.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
