He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
