she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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