I am spending my child support on dildos
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize