We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
