Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
