You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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