I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
