there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
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