you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Randomize
