..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
