I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
