you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
