Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
You need Xanax blowdarts
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
