i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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