The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
