My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
