i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
