We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
