i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
