Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
