How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
"it" just moved
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
