I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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