so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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