The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
