he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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