i may or may not be watching the land before time
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
