And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
