We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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