You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
