I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize