bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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