operation harelip BJ is a go
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
