Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
