I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
