I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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