please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
