I just made out with a guy for $7.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
my liver is dry heaving
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
