Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize